CHAPTER 1(Lovers Mentality)


“From day one, you knew that I wasn’t expecting to be in this position I am in this very day… with you”


“Wat up babe, I am thinkn ‘bout cha!” Was the text message that I just read from my phone. So much has been a part of my life since I met Shame. Meeting him has impacted my life to a world of unknown lust. Last night Shame had announced to me that he has decided to move back to Georgia. When I heard that, my mouth dropped. All of a sudden this niggah wants to up and move to Georgia without giving a thought about how I would feel. I had to tell myself to calm down and think about the situation that he was in. Jobless, living with his family, no college education, saggy jeans and dreads and the dance moves that would make a chick pussy weak.

Shame and I have been together for only six months and regardless of his struggle, his love has brought so much joy into my life. Everything was going good between the both of us… But he has to do what was best for him which is why I can’t do anything but to understand. I am skeptical about his decision; I agreed that I will support him in any way. Therefore… it is what it is. Or is it?

A couple of days ago, I discovered that he was talking to some girl named Angel who was from Savannah. I did in fact hit him up questioning him about the broad.  As always, Shame made up a lie saying Angel was his old class mate back in grade school. But it was cool. The chick was in Georgia for all cared; so of course it’s nothing going on between them but phone and internet conversations. Is this technically considered cheating? Whelp in my eye this is only strike one, two more strikes and I’m done with that ass. At least I think I will be…

Looking over the text I then glanced at the time. I shook my head as I realized it was one in the morning. I have not heard from Shame all day and now he wants to text me saying that he was thinking about me. I only received from Shame was this one text message all damn day. Truth be told, I wasn’t really expecting to hear from him. Only because the time flown by without my giving a damn if he did or didn’t hit me up. How I felt at the time… I missed him and it slick pissed me off that whenever I received a message is never from him. ALL DAMN DAY! Now all of sudden the niggah have time to hit me up.  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew Shame was cheating. The signs if his attitude and ways wasn’t blind beyond my almond shaped grey eyes. I know Shame love me and I couldn’t wait to tell him that I was carrying his baby. The sidelines are irrelevant… At least I want them to be. As much as I want to tell Shame about the baby, I wasn’t ready yet. I want to give it a thought over before I bring the news to him. He already had a baby that would be due in June… so how much can a niggah hold on his back?

Thirty minutes into me going back to sleep, I rolled over to answer my ringing cellphone which was lying right next to my ear.

“Hello” I answered rolling over on my side placing the phone under the right side of my face so that I wouldn’t have to hold it.

“What’s up love?” I heard a male voice on the other end of the phone. I opening my eyes, squinting and adjusting them to the light coming from the phone; I glanced at my caller ID and read My Love across the screen.

“Hey Shame… what’s up?” I said sighing into the phone as I rested my head back against the phone and pillow.

“Nothin’ babe, why you didn’t text me back?” Shame asked into the phone.

As much as I wanted to tell him about himself; the nerve of him wanting to call me at one in the morning like everything is copasetic. Which it is not! We have a lot to discuss; well I do for that matter. Now that I am finally able to talk to him, I have so much to say but don’t know how. I thought about what his reaction would be and decided against it.

“I was about to Shame…” Quickly reminding myself that I was supposed to be mad at him, I flipped my question on him. “What about you?” I asked. I was wondering what his answer would be. Hoping the answer would be believable in my mind so I can let this issue go.

“What have you been up to all day and night?” I asked. Making sure I put emphasis on night.  “You wait until one in morning to tell me that you were thinking about me? What about the other times? When it was twelve in the afternoon or five in the evening? You wasn’t worried about it then, so why now?” I was getting mad by the thoughts of Shame cheating. The niggah had the audacity to call me when I haven’t heard from him at all throughout the course of my day.

“You kno’ it ain’t nothin’ like dat Mya, I just been busy all day and my phone been fuck’d up baby… I ain’t heard from you either. So what’s up with dat?” Shame said as he sighed into the phone. I knew were this conversation was leading to and it wasn’t going to be pretty coming from my end.

“Whatever Shame, don’t try to flip the script on me. For one, you know my damn car is in the shop and for two, any other day you would hit me up. So why is it different today?” I asked into the phone. I was wide awake now and hanging on to every word that he was saying just in case his ass slipped up. I was ready and waiting like a kettle on the stove boiling to the point that it starts squealing.

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“Shame… if that isn’t the sorriest excuse… When have I talked to you for me to even be mad at you? Hell, I am pissed right now for the simple fact I’m your girlfriend and yo’ ass didn’t consider hitting me up, but I bet yo’ hoes where the first ones to get a hello and a good morning!” I sat up in my bed with my back against my cherry oak head board. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this niggah calling me on some “brand new” shit. Like he is Mr. Innocent, I don’t know who he is trying to fool, but Yemya doesn’t walk in shoes of a fool. Not yesterday, not today or any other day.

“Yemya, I don’t have no hoes neither do I have bitches. I only got you. I don’t kno’ why you sitting over there listening to yo’ damn friends before you even listen to yo’ own man… What kind shit is that? I told you my phone was fucked up. You let Andreyia and yo’ otha friends get into your head bra.”

“Yea… that’s what you told me when you could have called me from Tony phone or Darren phone; how can you answer that?” I couldn’t take this shit with Shame any more… All this sneaking and shit is for the birds. By the time I was about to open my mouth to tell him that it was over he had placed my call on hold. Minutes after realizing that I was still on hold, I looked at my phone and checked the time. I hung up my cell phone placing it back on the charger. I lying back down I turned on my back and begin to stare at the ceiling. I can’t believe this niggah just sat here and left me on hold without even clicking over. I thought to myself. I lied awake in the dark for an hour hoping Shame would at least call back explaining what happened with him leaving me on hold or send me a text to say goodnight. I guess the call was important to him… He never called or sent texted; not to say sorry for leaving me on hold or to even say goodnight.

        Since I am just young Shame, you think that you can take advantage of me. The lies that you tell isn’t true baby, it’s just self-explanatory. My mind be stuck on you… forget all the illegal stuff. Your baby mama will soon be due and that part of your life is fucked up. I am trying to keep my cool. But you make it seem so noticeable. Deep inside I am feeling you and every second of it…

        Looking over the few words that I’ve written inside my journal, I sat and thought to myself. Shame has brought many happy days into my life, but now that his son will be here, I don’t think that what we have will last. I have yet to tell anyone about me being pregnant reason being that I have my doubts about the relationship that I’m going to have with its father…and he has yet to give me a reason to why I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I do. It’s just, there is some shit that I hate to find out about. His cheating, his scheming, and his lying… all of it is weighing on my heart. My feelings are in the mix and at times I feel as if I can’t do without him.

“Never convinced… this is some shit” I said to myself as I sat on top of my queen size canopy bed. “Every time I turn around he is trying to fill my head up with some bullshit. Men cheat… and you wonder if all the shit that you have done for him is good enough.”

I sighed, flipping through the pages of old entries that I wrote on my journal. My memories are what I call them. I guess I’m not good enough. I thought to myself. I know that I wonder about Shame ways and have yet to come up with a clue. I don’t know if I should remain strong with what we have or let it go, move on.

I was feeling unappreciated and Shame was not making the situation any better. I put my trust into him and still ended up at the bottom of the barrel. The truth has yet to come out his mouth. I don’t know what the hell I am waiting to hear him say. From the looks of it, our conversation is repetitive… there’s no progress. No real love. At least that’s how I feel.

I closed my journal and stuffed it under my pillow. Climbing out of my bed, I walked to my full size mirror looking at my naked body. I cupped my breast in my hands in sucked in my stomach. Although I had a little belly fat, it wasn’t anything that I wasn’t able to work with. I looked at my five foot three inch frame with my size nine ass and my thirty-six c-cup breast. Starring at my caramel complexion and pulling my shoulder length hair into a ball on top of my head. I turned an angle just to get a view of my back side. I sighed at my cellulites, stepping away from the mirror to walk into the bathroom which was inside of my bedroom. I started to go through my closet to look for an outfit to throw on for today.

After pulling out some skinny jeans and a blouse, I walked towards my bathroom to take a shower. My apartment consists of two bedrooms and two full size bathrooms; my bathroom was a cream color with shades of mint green and forest green. To me, it was like a spa. I bent down to cut on the shower, checking the temperature with my hand. I stepped into the shower turning around doing a 360 making sure I got my whole body wet. After bathing for twenty minutes, I stepped out the tub turning off the water. I walked to the sink and wiped off the fog that was on the mirror. I swear Shame better come correct with his shit. Rumor has it that he is sleeping with these females… Speaking of the devil here he comes walking through my door apartment door.

“Sup love.” I heard Shame yell as he walked to the kitchen. While I was drying off in my bedroom, I overheard him open the refrigerator door and pour him a glass of Kool-aid.

“Hey Shame.” I yelled back.

Walking into the kitchen with a towel still wrapped around my damped body. I leaned against the counter as I watched Shame gulp down the glass of Kool-aid as if it was the last thing to drink on Earth.

“You must have been pretty thirsty” I said as I opened the refrigerator to grab me a bottle of water.

“Yea, thirsty fa’ you” Shame said as he stepped closer to me. It was something about him that just made my knees weak. Tucking my towel in so that it wouldn’t fall to the floor, I untwist the top from the bottle of water and took a sip. “Are you sure that it’s me that you are thirsty for?” I said as I leaned against the counter, placing the bottle of water on the side of me.

“The Kool-aid was just a lil’ flavor to get me by until I got a taste of you” Shame said as he stepped in front of me. Close enough that I could smell the cherry flavor Kool-aid on his breath.

“Is that right?” I asked with a smirk on my face. As much as I wanted to play hard and continue to be mad at Shame about leaving me on hold last night. I couldn’t help myself. His presence made me horny. Right now, I just want to release a couple of nuts and go on about my day.

Stepping closer, Shame started kissing me on my neck. Pausing, I thought about pushing him away but I couldn’t control the feeling that I was receiving from my pussy. He knew my neck was my hot spot and at this point, my va-jay-jay was doing the thinking for me.

“So you gon’ lemme taste you?” Shame whispered in my ear.

“Depending on what you have a taste for Shame? I only have one flavor to offer and that’s sugar walls.” I said as I closed my eyes, feeling him reach under my towel, up my thigh in search for my honey pot.

“Good” he said as he slipped his finger in my pussy, feeling around my walls as if he were in search for something that was in there. He slowly pulled his finger out and brought his hand up to his mouth placing his finger in his mouth. He then started to suck and lick my juices off of his finger not leaving a drop of cream. “Damn baby, you taste like a fruit basket.’ He said as he stepped back from taking a free lick of my pussy.

I couldn’t help but to smile, the niggah had the corniest lines to say. “Really?” I asked, still leaning against the counter. I pulled Shame in close and whispering into his ear. I was close enough that he felt my breath brush against his ear. “Is that all that you want Shame? A sample?” I said pulling his ear lobe into my mouth lightly pinching it with my teeth.

“Damn gurrrrl.” He said in between his moan. You better stop before you make a niggah do something to yo’ ass.”

“Do something like what?” I said as I stepped back

“Somethin’ like taking you to anotha planet and getting a taste of yo’ sugar walls” he said with a slight laugh.

I couldn’t help but to blush at his comment. I pulled him and close kissing him with the hungriest kiss. When I say hungry, a bitch like me was starving for some dick, so I kissed him the way I wanted him. Deep, juicy and wet. Pulling away from our lip locking moment just so I can breathe, I looked into his eyes and I could see that his passion for me was burning like balls of fire. “Are you sure that’s all you want Shame… is a taste?” I asked him again putting on my sexy tone. I was ready and like Yung Joc said “It’s about to go down.”

Shame grabbed me by the waste, moved his hands under my towel and started to caress my ass. Kissing me on the neck, I felt him pulling my towel loose and letting it fall to the floor, he then bent down on his knees placing my left leg over his shoulder.

“Naa babe, I want a full serving” Shame said as he glided the finger that he sucked my juices off of back inside my pussy. I leaned my head back, balancing my weight on the counter while standing on my right leg. I felt him glide another finger into my tight pussy. Then I began to feel him slowly maneuvering his fingers in and out of my pussy causing me to moan and grind like it was his dick that was inside of me. I pulled his head in closer feeling his tongue cover my clitoris licking and sucking it. “Damn babe you taste so good” Shame said as he ate my pussy until I came all over his mouth.

Lifting me up, Shame placed me on the counter as I was unzipping his pants and letting them fall to floor, he guided his dick inside of my pussy, pulling me in close. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me to my bedroom with his dick still inside of me, penetrating my walls. Laying me on my bed without our bodies disconnecting, he started sucking my breast, nibbling on my nipples. As much as it hurt, the shit felt so good. We all know that pain can be pleasure if you are enjoying it the right way. I felt myself melting in his arms as we became one. Each stroke became different from the last. Expectorating on my hand I then started rubbing my fingers against my pussy lips making my pussy even wetter. I moaned as I felt Shame shove is dick into my pussy causing me to explode. I was so turned on I started rubbing and pinching on my breast with one hand while I was still playing with my pussy.

“I love you Mya” Shame said as he dug deep into my pussy releasing his nut inside of me.

“I love you too” I said as I arched my back. Shame and I made love continuously for another hour later falling asleep into each other arms.

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