“Hello…” Shame said…

“Hello…” Shame said into the phone as if he was already annoyed.

“What’s up Shame…?” I asked hoping that the conversation wouldn’t just stop right there.

“Shit Mya… just chillin over Tony house… wat’s up wit you?” he asked.

“Nothing” I said as I propped my feet up on the couch. “I was just thinking about you… thinking about us you know.”

“Thinking about us Yemya… you wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout us a couple of days ago when I came to yo’ spot…”

“Look Shame! You have no idea what it is like to have motherfucka’s in your ear telling you that your man is out digging in broads pussy…”

“The part I’m trippin ‘bout is dat you believed it…”

“I don’t know what to believe Shame… I go days without hearing from you. Nights without you hitting me up to come over or say you are on your way. What the fuck you think I’m supposed to believe? Shit, you hit me up only when it is convenient for you!”

“You make me hit you up when it’s convenient… all that believing in what other bitches say is a turn off Yemya. A turn off… I’ve been pleading my case. You know I love you…”

Holding phone against my ear… I breathed into the phone; I still didn’t know what to think about us. Unsure that what Shame was saying was convincing or not… I decided against the feeling in my gut and went with the lust in my mind for Shame. “Look Shame, I love you. I have done enough thinking about us. I just felt like I needed to do what was best for me. I mean… I didn’t want to end up like some female falling into misery from lost love over a niggah.”

I knew that I couldn’t let this relationship with Shame go so easy. I had to maintain my strength as a woman and take back what belonged to me. Do we as women deserve better? I felt like I needed Shame. As much as I know that he was cheating, part of me couldn’t put it past him; and the other half wanted to deal with him and the rumors. Shame was all I knew as far as I was concerned. The only dude I was fucking. I mean I would talk to other niggahs as far as being entertained. But as far as sex, I never let it go beyond a little phone convo.

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