Walking down th…

Walking down the hall to my bedroom; I reached across the bed to grab my phone, preparing myself for my talk with Shame. I scrolled down the call list and located Shame’s number. Walking back towards my living room, I sat down on my sofa propping my feet up.

            After pressing call, I held the phone up to my ear— still contemplation on if this was a good decision. Hearing the phone ring on the other end, I thought about hanging up… until he answered.

            “What’s up boo!” Shame answer into the phone with much enthusiasm.

“You tell me Shame… hell you seem to have hopped back on the pussy train and forgot which damn stop was home huh?”

            “Hold on baby… it’s a lil loud in here. I can barely hear you” I heard Shame say into the phone as he walk outside so he was able to talk, I leaned back preparing myself for yet another lie. “What’s up Yemya? What’s the problem now?”

            “Shit Shame, you the one who keeps coming and going when you please. Like this is a fucking 24 hour Fed Ex package drop-off. Shame I don’t know what—“

            “What is what Yemya?” Shame asked, cutting me off from my statement

“Shame… don’t act brand new. I haven’t heard from you in days. I’m your damn girlfriend and you don’t respect me enough to even call me.”

            “I be busy Mya…” he said sighing into the phone.

“Busy Shame?” I laughed as tears rolled down my eyes. “I see how busy you are niggah. Matter of fact— stay busy! I rather have someone loyal in my schedule anyway!”

            “Straight like dat Mya… dat’s how you feel?”

“Shame… I’m starting to think that you are seeing other females…”

            “Is this what this phone call is about Mya? Some bullshit that you hear just cause a niggah ain’t called you!?”

            “NO SHAME!” I said raising my voice. “I know you are fucking around Shame… I know it! I can tell in the vibe… when you are with me. Your mind is somewhere else. I don’t know what it is… If it’s me I apologize. I just can’t keep dealing with us like everything is okay when it is not.”

            “Baby… it’s not you. I just need a lil time to get my mind right… dats why I haven’t been hitting you up. I just have a lot on my mind and my kid is due any day now. I’m just worried about a lot of stuff and really—-“

            “Reeaally Shame? You use that as an excuse when I told you that we should be able to talk to each other about anything and you use your unborn as an excuse because you ain’t man enough to admit to your wrong doings or admit that you still want to be with your baby’s mother? If you can’t keep it real with me Shame… then…”

            “Mya, you know I love you. I just needed a lil time to get my thoughts together. I don’t even know if I’m going to be a good dad… I need to go back to school… I need to get my life together baby… and at the same time… I don’t want to hurt you.”

            “Shame, what you fail to realize is you are not being man enough to come to me… that’s how you are hurting me.”

            “Can we talk about this later Yemya?”

“I don’t know if there will be a later Shame… I have waited long enough … don’t you think?”

            “Bay— let me just call you back in thirty minutes and I swear that we can talk about anything and everything— just let a niggah go ahead and hit this lick… aiight…?” He asked.

            “Aiight Shame… we’ll see” I said hanging up the phone not caring if he was done with our conversation or what. As far as I was concerned he chose to put me second… our problems second… and everything else first. I was nearing my breaking point.

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