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“In the end, what matters the most is how well you live, love, and learn to let go”


“In the end, what matters the most is how well you live, love, and learn to let go”


            I said that I will try to never get attached to no niggah, but throughout this relationship. Shame has made me open up to him one-hundred percent. When it came to him… I would put him first before anything. Even my own damn friends try to make me feel guilty by making me regret my relationship. Why should I? We live and we learn right? To be honest I don’t regret shit. A person shouldn’t have to unless it’s on some guilt trip. Part of me have Shame…Part of me want Shame. Plus I’m not even fucked up about what happened yesterday. In a way, I believe I was wrong. I know I keep contradicting myself. But that’s how it is when you are between two brick walls. I want to break things off with him— well, not any more. I’m not even fucked about the gossip shit. Fuck all the neck talkers. When you bring other people into your relationship, you bring in drama in bullshit. Besides, I think that he knows what’s up with that… I told him that it’s nothing. From the outside looking in, Shame got me. No one else can have it like that but him. What’s crazy is that he doesn’t know how good that he has it. So many other niggahs want to wife me, but noooo Yemya is faithful to Shame. I guess that’s why I’m still in this position that I am in now… once again with Shame.

            “I’m Shame’s down ass bitch…” I said to myself while combing my hair into a wrap. I can just laugh at myself for sitting here trying to uplift my spirit. If only he knew those same niggahs that be in his face are the same niggahs that are in my ear telling me to break up with him. Like his cousin Derrick who sends me pictures of his dick as if I want him! I have yet to tell Shame about that niggah being with the shit.

            But for right now for some reason tonight I am horny as hell. Shame is the only niggah that I was fucking with— therefore going to someone else for some dick action was out of the question. I guess that is why he is over here now. I couple of days ago; he hit me up apologizing for hanging up in my face. Apparently his excuse was that his phone died. Funny thing about it, I knew what it was. With me being the person that I am, I let the shit ride and told him that he can come over to keep me company.

            “What’s up” Shame asked walking into the living room with a cup of ice in his hand then sitting next to me.

            “Nothing…” I said as I gaze at him while he crunch on the pieces of ice. Just by looking at him made me want him even more. In the mist of him biting and sucking on the ice, I imagined that it was me in place of the ice and was immediately turned-on. Omg… I was horny; I was trying to prevent myself from having sex with his ass. After the shit that went down, I decided to start back chilling with other guys. Kenya was right, Shame and I wasn’t married so why was I devoting myself to a cheating ass niggah anyway? As they say… two can play that game. Hearing my phone vibrate, I reached over to grab it so I can read the text. Looking at the screen, I saw the message was from Darryl.

     Wats up? wat u doin?

Nothing really… just chilling. What about you? I replied back, pressing send.

Jus wuz thinkin bout’ u. U chillin by urself?

“Who you over textin this late at night?” Shame asked.

            I laughed to myself at his nosey question. I swear men get defensive when someone is hitting you up at 12 at night. Hell, the niggah was getting phone calls, picture messages and text messages throughout the night— now he want to question my actions. Do not let your phone go off back to back; it will surely bring red flags. “Why are you over there being nosey? You are here with me so it really shouldn’t be a concern of yours” I said as I continued to text Darryl back.

     Really what was on your mind? & no… I’m chilling with Shame…

I replied back pressing send. “Bra… I kno’ you ain’t finna sit here and text all night Yemya”

            “Shame… if it is bothering you that much than you are more than welcome to go to my bedroom. Last time I check… I do pay the bills here.”

            Getting up from the couch, Shame walked away mumbling words under his breath. If I’m not mistaken I could have sworn he said ‘And she wonder why…’ Hell wonder why what? I thought to myself. “What was that you were saying? I didn’t quite get the last part.” I inquired turning my attention back to the text conversation that I was sharing with Darryl.

            “Nothing Yemya! Damn!” He said as he slammed my bedroom door. I leaned back against the couch and ignored his tantrums. Now the tables have turned. I don’t give a fuck about what Shame do. I’m gone do me. Knowing good-well that I won’t cheat on the niggah— it’s not in my character.  But the niggah need to realize that I can do it to— if I wanted to. I thought as I read over the text that Darryl sent. I don’t know what I’m going to about Shame, one thing that I do know is that I refuse to play the fool in this relationship. I’m not going to fault him neither will I continue to act stupid as if his cheating is never wrong. Looking over text, I replied back to Darryl implying that real love over powers everything….

… & if Shame loved me like he says that he does. Then I’m sure that we can get through this…

            I replied back. Getting up from the couch, I walked over to the kitchen to grab me a bottle of water with my phone in hand. Feeling the vibration of the phone notified me that I received another text. I opened the bottle of water taking a sip and then placing the bottle back on the counter. Leaning against the counter in a comfortable position with my butt supporting me from behind; I read Darryl text.  He text back stating that I should let Shame be and that I needed to be with him. Men have a crazy way of thinking of being next in line once a niggah acts up. Some men even stick around until that day happen. Hell— some men don’t mind being boyfriend number two— same goes for females. But then they start to act crazy as if you belonged to them. HA! Crazy as it seems and yet it is very true. I am a firm believer that two wrongs don’t make a right. I know Shame have done is dirt. I am aware of that; but I’m not going to lower my standards and dignity just because he fucked up. That was his doing… not mines.

     He don’t realize what he has…

Was the message that I received from Darryl before telling him goodnight. In fact Shame don’t realize what he has… he is sure to find out. That’s for sure.


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     /  July 21, 2012



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