“Me, Myself & I”—- I’m Doing Me

Me, Myself & I

I’m Doing Me

 

“Think as a woman,

 Be a woman,

Dress as a woman,

Most important…

Live as a woman”

Acknowledgements

 

Authors’ Note:

First and foremost, I give my praise to God. For giving me the vision, the imagination and the mind frame to be the talented person that I am today. You have instilled in me the blessings, the passion, and the patience of being able to critique and create my thoughts, my feelings, and my opinions into a book. You said if I can’t speak about it, then write about it. Those who don’t hear your voice will listen through your words. Learn how to work for it not against it. Discover your inner you. And that’s what I have done and what I am doing. This is me. This is my thing and this is Gods merciful blessings flowing through me. THANK YOU!

My mommy! I say that with a huge smile on my face. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for ever hurting you, ever deceiving you, and ever felt any hatred towards you. I am so sorry. You have loved me and you never stopped loving me, you never stopped showing me and guiding me. I was young and naive. Yet you have never judged me. I love you so so so so much. Lord knows that I do. I want to thank you for the long talks, the crazy conversations and my nerves that you got on throughout the years. You just wanted better for me and it took me a while to understand but now I know.  I want to thank you for ALL that you have done for me. When I was broke you was there, when I was going to jail… you were there or when I needed your opinion on my relationship you were there and still is.  You have never not once turned your back on me. Not once; and couldn’t have loved you any less for that. You are truly the wind beneath my wing.

I know I’ve talked about it… I can even say that I’ve thought about it. I started it but never was ever motivated to even finish it. I wanted it as bad as the breath that God has blessed me with… but never have I ever imagined it would breathe into bigger blessing.  Over the years I have encountered a lot to push me towards the idea of this book. I’ve learn that a successful woman not only lives but she thinks. That’s the motto that I live by.

After reading numerous of books which have built my desire into publishing my own GO ME! I now know they say every man is for their own. But I have never come across an author who was willing and wanting to mentor me into publishing my own. Which is sad case but any whom, I’m blessed to say that I’ve found my out of no way and I will continue to soar high. Until I met my father in law Mr. Donnye D Collins Sr. author of “Attack You Giants” and “The Unemployment Myth.”

It is crazy, I feel as if things happen for a reason. No seriously, I know you would hear it all the time but, things that have occurred in my life has opened up many doors and opportunities for me. My God is an AWESOME GOD! To my readers, always have faith, through it all just know that everything is going to be alright. God will not put more on you than you can bear. Life is a process; something you live and grow from!

 

To My Love, Dj

Thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing me and loving me. Thank you for being that shield in my life and that guidance for my mind. You’ve known me since I was eighteen. You watch me grow from a teenager into a young woman. With you being the man in my life, you guided me and molded me into the woman I never imagined that I would be. You know me more than I know myself. I discovered the world of real love with you and with God’s blessing I will continue on this journey with you being a part of my life. You are the reason that I strive to write a book or even continue painting. You wanted the best for me as much as I did and you showed me how I should I want the same. Together,  we are going to reach top.  I LOVE YOU!

With further ado, I would like to introduce you to Me, Myself  and I.

 

 

I’m All about Yemya Now…

            I tried… I tried and I tried and I tried. No matter how hard you love a man… you can’t always win his heart over. I’m not saying that I’m giving up on Hustle… I’m just saying I’m giving us a break… I know ya’ll are like awe man. Taylor was right, Hustle will never settle for me… and once again, I can say that I have played the fool. Sprung. Hooked on a niggah who swag, his game, his ways… his…. UM! Yea… his dick was like heaven. I kid you not! My orgasms be bananas. It’s something about a man who knows how to use his instrument. But I’m done with Hustle… I’m doing me. It’s time for me to venture out and weigh my options. See what other men I may be interested in have to offer… Hell, Hustle doing his thing so why shouldn’t I? That niggah is not trying to settle for me any time soon. So why should I stop doing my thing being the only one in a relationship status… Na, as much as I love Hustle it’s not even worth it.

From now on, I vow to kick it with my girls. Whenever and however; not only that I’m going to put me first. Hustle is my baby but that niggah is with the shit. So I have to do me. On another note Yemya is about to get herself together. Stop tripping over another niggah sleeping with another female. It’s not even my concern any more. Hustle thinks that he has me wrapped around his fingers but he has another thing coming. When they say it’s a thin line between love and hate. Well baaaby, I’m here to tell you, my damn line has gotten thin with Hustle’s shit. Like I told you before… I’m not leaving him. Hell na… you think I’m going to let some female come take my man after I invested my love and devoted time into this relationship… let’s not forget about the… well you know… what happened before.

But that’s not my point; it’s about me this time. Hustle can do him, but when he realize I’m not foolish anymore then he is going to learn not to fuck with me. We have a good thing going and I love him to death. But I’ll be damn if I end up being the only one looking stuck on stupid here. I keep telling you that I’m not going to leave him or quit fooling with him. Because I’m not… You have to prove yourself to a man that you are not putting up with his shit anymore and that’s what I’m going to do. Teach him a lesson. Just because ya’ll fuck, he got his ego boosted and now he “thinks” he have you hooked. Niggah please… not Yemya… not today, not tomorrow, not ever. So they say… any niggah who thinks that can kick rocks. But, if a chick gets crazy over a niggah then that’s a whole ‘nother situation. I have to weigh my options… I can’t be basing my life off of Hustle. I mean what if that never works out then what? That’s why I think if you are single, and then mingle and right now I am classified as SINGLE. So guess what? I’m going to be about me, myself and I until a niggah is man enough to be about me and only me.

 

 Yemya

1

“Real men never make promises, in reality plan to break your heart. A real man would never present himself to you by putting on a façade.”

-Unknown

“Okay, I bet this”, I said as I began stuffing some marijuana into a cigarillo. “A niggah will feed you dumb shit if he has never proved his point. For real…”

“A niggah gone prove his point Mya… that’s all niggahs do. They have to prove a point. It’s in their mentality,” Chasity said as she passed a blunt to Brooke.

My girls and I were chilling at their apartment. Wasn’t shit popping in the city. So I decided to hit them up to see what they were getting into for the night. Hustle was being with the shit so I really didn’t want to be bothered with him. Besides, I wanted some “me” time and here I am chilling with my besties, rolling up, doing what we do best. Chilling, smoking and drinking; all the while we were having a ladies night tonight; enjoying each other’s company. Not giving a damn about what’s going on in the outside world of Chattanooga. Brooke slipped Martin into theDVD player and sat back on the couch next to me. We each had a blunt in our hands with a cup on Conjure. I propped my feet up and across Brookes lap wiggling my toes in my pink and white socks as I continued to seal my blunt off with my licks of saliva.

“Before I met Hustle, after Shame and I broke up. I swear I was thinking about becoming a female dog” I said in between licks of rolling my blunt.

“A what!?” Brooke said as she sat up strait from leaning back into the couch. “Now you are saying the most! Why would you want to be that?”

I laughed at Brooke’s crazy question and continued with rolling my blunt. “I was going to be a different breed. A rare breed. I wasn’t going to be a hoe. I have too much respect for myself to lower my standards and dignity like that now.”

Brooke dumped the ashes from the blunt into a red candle holder. “Ohhhh. Cause’ girl I was ‘bout ta say”, she said as she passed me the blunt that she had in her hands.

“What I meant by that” I said as I inhaled and exhaled the smoke from the blunt. “I was just going to talk to a lot of niggahs. I wasn’t thinking about fucking none of them though. That ain’t me… ya’ll know that. Shame broke me down so low. Believe it or not; especially after I have met Jennifer face to face. That shit was crazy.” I said as I passed Chasity the blunt.

“Hell yeaaaa I remember you tellin’ me that shit”, Brooke said as she got up to get the remote to play the DVD.

“Crazy as it seems, Jennifer is cool though. In spite of the shit that went down we became cool. That’s just what grown women do. Who beefs over a niggah? Shame was the one who did wrong. Niggahs say fuck bitches; get money or money over bitches. Well to hell with them too.”

But who said sleeping with a niggah too soon would never amount to a long lasting relationship can kiss my black ass on some real shit. I thought to myself. I have been fooling around with Hustle for almost three years now and I never thought things would have gone as far as they were going.

“All my single ladies, all my single ladies.” I reached in my bra to retrieve my phone. After silencing it and reading the text message. I read it over once again. Hustle sent me a message telling me that he loved me.

“That must be Hustle” Brooke said as she grabbed the blunt from Chasity’s hand.

I couldn’t help but to smile. “Yes it is. He texted me saying that loved me.”

“Must be nice… Um ain’t nobody able” Brooke said as she laughed exhaling the smoke from her mouth. “That is too cute. I wish I had me someone like Hustle” she said in between coughs.

“Don’t we all”, Chasity said as she grabbed the blunt with her nails that I was passing to her. It was now a roach. Chasity shaped the blunt between her thumb and finger so she can get a last drag of what was left. “Shit!” she said dropping the roach into the ashtray that was on her lap. “I burnt my damn nail! I hate when I do that shit”, she said as she examined her finger nail.

I laughed then shook my head. “See that’s why I don’t even try to smoke roaches. My damn fingernails are too valuable for that shit.”

“And you know, when folks see that shit; you already know what they gone think” Brooke said as she placed a lighter up to her blunt to light it for round two of rotation.

“Fuck that shit” Chasity said. “I need a fill in anyway. I’m off tomorrow, so I can get my shit fixed then.”

 

2

“All the things that are accepted be the things that we regret”

            Pulling up to Hustle’s apartment, I stepped out of my black Chevy Impala and begin to walk up the steps to his complex. I was a bit juiced from chilling with my girls. Even though I was at Brooke and Chasity house for only a few hours; we had rotated three blunts and drunk a whole bottle of Conjure. I was ready to fuck the shit out of Hustle. Knocking on his door, I leaned against the rail to keep my balance. Closing my eyes, I felt the wind brush up against my skin. For some reason the feeling of it sent chills through my body and caused my pussy to get wet. The alcohol had me feeling good and even with my legs crossed I can still feel my pussy pulsating. I’m glad that I made it over to Hustle’s house. I was ready to be fucked and go to sleep with my damn thumb in my mouth.

“What’s up baby girl” Hustle said as he opened the door to let me in.

“Shit baby. You is what’s up” I said in between slurs as I slowly walked into his apartment. It was dark and by the looks of it he was just chilling and playing the game. Hustle closed the door behind me and then grabbed me by the waist before I was able to walk any further. I stepped back with my back against his chest as I inhaled his cologne that was flowing through the air; Polo Blue, my favorite. Just the smell of his cologne caused my pussy to trimmer with excitement.

“Where have you been?” He asked as he began kissing me on the back of my neck, as he rubbed is fingers in circular motion against the crouch of my jeans. I arched my back against his chest making sure he felt my ass on his dick. Damn I want him so bad I thought… I turned around so that I was facing Hustle. I looked deep into his eyes, reading his mind. He wanted me too; the chemistry between us was felt throughout the room as we stared at each other. I leaned forward, kissing him deep.

Pushing me forward, I felt Hustle guide me backwards to his bed room. Lowering my body on his bed our lips where still in contact we never detached. Pulling my body close, I felt Hustle laid his weight on my body, taking deep breaths in my ear. I guess he was about to go into beast mode. Before I had a chance to open my eyes to adjust to the darkroom, Hustle had my shirt over my head sucking and nibbling on my breast. Pulling both my right breast and my left breast together, Hustle startled licking on them both. I was so turned on and was feigning for more of what he had to offer. Rubbing my pelvis against his crotch, which was my way of telling him ‘Boy you better stop playing with me and give me that dick.’

As if he was just reading my mind, I felt his hands travel down my waist to the opening of my jean shorts. Unbuttoning my shorts he had me up out both my panties and shorts within a few seconds. Feeling the warmth of his dick against my thighs I begin to shutter. I couldn’t wait to get a feel of him stroking inside of me. The thought of it made my pussy SCREAM! Reaching under his pillow where he kept at least one spare condom, Hustle opened of the gold pack in just one swift move. He must be so use to opening up packages of condoms to the point that it’s nothing to him doing it… he waste no time. I thought. I close my eyes after hearing him slide the condom along the shaft of his dick. Preparing for the pleasure that I’ve been waiting for, I felt Hustle guide his head inside the crevice of my pussy and that’s when I breathed in deep.

Exhaling the breath that I was holding, I breathe in deep once again as I felt the pressure from his dick ease inside of me. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my legs around Hustles waste, circling my arms around his back, pulling him in close. I felt at peace as Hustle dug deep and slow inside of my pussy walls. I was in a trance. Fucking Hustle was much different than fucking Shame. Shame did his thing but there was much chemistry. It was just like a ‘wham bam thank ya ma’am’ type thing…

But with Hustle, Hustle knew how to control it, how to slow it down and speed that thing up! He knew when to go deep and how to go deep. It’s like he got inside of my mind… through my pussy. You know, like a real human being connection. The feeling makes you shiver with just the thought of it. Um! Umm um umm ummm! Hustle fucked you the way he knew you wanted it. I sure it had every bitch he fucked sprung. Hustle knows a woman’s mind and can fuck the shit out of a her mind.

Flipping me over, Hustle climbed off the bed. “Yeaaa, keep that pretty pussy in the air just like that. I’ll be right back.”

Not saying anything, I laid in the bed with my head in the pillow and my ass facing the ceiling. Not knowing what Hustle had up his sleeve, but me… Well for Hustle, I’m prepared for anything. Minutes from leaving the bedroom, Hustle returned with something in his hand. The room was pitch black so I couldn’t make out what was in his hand.

“Yeeaa just like that.” Hustle said as he positioned me with my ass in the air. Seconds later, I felt some cold liquid running from the crack of my ass to my pussy. “Damn boo, that is cold.” I said as I tried to warm the gel up by squeezing my butt cheeks together”

“My bad baby” Hustle said, “Let me help you out there.” Next thing I knew, I felt Hustle insert his fingers inside my ass and massaging my clitoris at the same time.

“Aaaahhh” I said as I grinding my ass against his thumb and fingers. I was trying to make the feeling feel a bit more comfortable. Right now it was an awkward feeling but I was enjoying it. I was so turned on and feeling the fact that I was enjoying this foreplay that I didn’t dawn on me that Hustle replaced his thumb which was in my ass with his dick.

“How that feel baby” Hustle said as he slowly glided his dick into my ass.

“Aaahhh it feels so goooood Hustle, don’t stoop.” I crooned. I was getting even hornier by the thought of being smacked on the ass and having my hair pulled all the while having a dick being plunged into my pussy.

Grinding slow against my ass, Hustle took his time inching his long thick dick inside the walls of my ass hole. I cringed from the pain trying to place it with pleasure. I have never been fucked in the ass before and as much as I want to enjoy it, it would be an occasional thing for me. “Ooooh babbbbbbbyyyy” I said as I felt the pressure from Hustle dick being released inside of my ass. I exhaled as he slowly pulled out then slowly pushing himself back in.

“You comfortable baby?” Hustle asked. “Let me know if you can’t handle it and I’ll stop”

“Ummmmmmmm” I moaned. “Yoouuu good baby. Just takes some getting use to.”

“Aiight” He said as he continued to slow pump me from behind. After a few minutes of him stretching my booty hole a little, I wiggle my hips and started keeping up with his pace. By then, I was able to pounce my booty on his dick while he fuck me in the ass. Pulling his dick out, Hustle flipped me over snatching the condom of his dick. By the time I was lying flat on my back, Hustle opened my legs wide, placing each hand on each leg. I was in the position of eagle wings spread wide. I felt him ram his dick up my pussy and I moaned with so much pleasure. When I say his sex is good… I mean his sex isssss gooooood!

A hour after our session of sex, I leaned over to look at Hustle and he was fast asleep. Turning on right side, I reached for my phone off of the nightstand. Pressing I button so it can flash the time which showed 3:03 a.m. I got up from the bed grabbing my phone and proceeded to the bathroom. Closing the bathroom door, I propped my naked body on the toilet. Putting pressure on my bladder, I had to make myself pee all the while a bitch had to shit too. When I say the niggah fucked the shit out of me… I mean that literally. I had the runs.

While in the bathroom, I looked over my text messages from earlier, I felt my hands vibrate against my hand. I scrolled up to the message and it was Shame.

Wats up luv? Was the message I read. I looked at the time and it was now 3:21 a.m. What this niggah doing texting me early this morning… matter of fact why is he even hitting me up? I thought about not texting him back, but my curiosity gave in.

Hey Shame… I said replying back to his message.

Nothn jus thinkn bout u.

Really? What are you thinking about? I texted into the phone pressing send. It only took a few seconds for Shame to reply back… So I know he wasn’t doing nothing and was able to text. Feeling my phone vibrate against my hand indicating to me that I had a new message, I went to my inbox to read the message Shame had texted back.

Us… n wat we coulda been n how much I miss u

Awe… That’s what’s up Shame… That’s good to know…

Why u gotta b like dat?

Be like what Shame? Tell me how I should be because I     clearly don’t know!

I jus wanna see u Mya…

I read over the text once again not sure if I should just leave it at that. I knew I was playing with fire because Shame and Hustle can’t stand each other. Hustle thinks Shame is some weak ass simple niggah and Shame… well Shame just wants me back.

Shame… you are cool… I just can’t trust you Shame… I can’t even trust myself around you. I’m trying to do me, focus on other things that don’t concern you… so please… let me… let us be…

Look I jus want 2 c u… dats it nothn more nothn less… I jus miss ur company… I jus need sum1 2 talk 2 n I knw I can always talk 2 u… jus think abt it… u got my numba… I luv u

Reading over the text that Shame just sent. I thought about us… I thought about the things that caused us to break up and the bull shit that led me astray. I thought about the abortion and the connection of us ever being bonded together. Something that he didn’t know about… After all, he stilll deserves my love… he was going to be my baby’s father. As much as I didn’t want to admit it… I was still in love with Shame. Having to choose between going by to see him or just standing firm to my word… I really didn’t know what choice to make. Deep down inside I wanted to just see him one last time. I wanted to be with him… just one last time. You know, like a one last time…

(To Be Continued)

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3 Comments

  1. hey hey you can call me crasnal man, that’s what i am

    Reply
  2. KaSonta Daniels

     /  May 15, 2012

    Awesome!

    Reply
  3. RAYMOND D. HUNTER

     /  August 30, 2012

    Cool

    Reply

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